No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
