I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
