I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
