He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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