And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
