Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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