I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
