end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
