I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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