I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
