There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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