If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
