First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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