There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
