I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
