Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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