she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
