you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you will always have a special place in my vag
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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