Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
