69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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