he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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