I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You did what with his pubic hair?
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