The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
