This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Say something about gay babies.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just high enough for therapy.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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