I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
