someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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