Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
