I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
they need to just BURY HIM!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
