2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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