i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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