We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
