he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
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Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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