Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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