When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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