also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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