I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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