i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
