My friends, they love my intelligence
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
