woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
