When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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