Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
