I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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