his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
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And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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