One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
send nudes
from the living room?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
