HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
