So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
