I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
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Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
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I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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