My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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