dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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