If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
