I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
