Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
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You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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