My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Less talking, more tequila
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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