how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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