i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
