My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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