wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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