I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
This baby is an asshole
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
