The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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