What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
