If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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