I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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