i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
