Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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