I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
