you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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