why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
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I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
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He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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