Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i think my cat just said my name.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
