I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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