you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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