I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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