Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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