I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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