Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We have started to decorate penises.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
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