we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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