Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
